H a p p y / S a d ? G a o • l e n t i n e s
Happy Valentine’s Day. And Ash Wednesday.
My favorite number is 14 yet I’ve always been conflicted with Valentine’s Day in itself. I used to hate it, believed it was truly created by Hallmark, and was sobbing last year when someone betrayed me and my trust on this very day a year ago. Let me tell you scrolling through the feeds of Facebook and Instagram posts and tweets last year took a toll on me.
I was upset. Angry. Mad. Frustrated.
But this year? Super hopeful. I’m happy! And that’s huge. I’d rather be happier and single than miserable with the wrong person.
This has been the longest time that I’ve been single. It’s been a conscious decision for most of the time haha. During this time I’ve met and *ahem* spent time with the highest number of different guys for me. And wow, dating is exhausting. Not the most fun, but definitely has taught me a lot of lessons.
So in honor of the 14th of February, here’s 14 lessons love has taught me:
- It’s okay to walk away. One of the things I struggle with is coping with realizing what I do want and don’t want. And being okay with myself to walk away from someone who simply isn’t compatible with me. I don’t want to later hold the regret but it’s okay to leave what’s not right for you. Because the more time you’re with the wrong person or doing the wrong thing – is distracting you from finding the person you’re meant to be with.
- You wear your heart on your sleeve. This one was more of a personal lesson. I am not necessarily an emotional person, but I feel and am always in tune with my emotions. I empathize really well. And one thing I learned is that I do wear my heart on my sleeve. Realizing that has helped me be more in tune with how quickly I let myself fall for the men I date. It’s okay to have a big heart. But not everyone else will wear their heart on their sleeves. Some will protect them more. Hide them. But that’s how they are, and this is how I am.
- Good people can/will do bad things. And bad people can/will say and do good things. One of the biggest lessons. I get so caught up in my fantasies when I meet the boy who says all the smooth lines but is emotionally immature and unavailable that I work so hard to make that relationship work. Yet I’m quick to pass up men who are emotionally, financially, and in all other aspects – stable. If I’m too quick to judge them, how can I trust that they wouldn’t do the same to me? I have to be patient with love. And grow with love. No one is perfect from day 1, yes, so if someone appears perfect from day 1 ….
- You can’t get mad over what you can’t control. And not just mad, but disappointed, upset. God gave you your heart, your mind, your eyes. You are in control of only you and your reactions to things. People will disappoint you which brings me to…
- You can’t build up high expectations. Or expectations in general. This isn’t to be confused with having standards. I feel like this is why “online dating” doesn’t work for me… I’m all about that “spark”, “instant connection” that lures me in… and with Hinge, Bumble, etc, it usually ends in disappointment because I picture them 1 way, and they turn out….yeah
- For the right person you’re enough. And not just enough. But you’re not too much, too anything. You’re beautiful enough, you’re smart enough. They can see the beauty in your intelligence and your thoughts. They show appreciation for the things you share with them because they know how hard it is for you to share certain aspects about you.
- Perfect timing is bullshit. This is something I need to constantly remind myself on. There is no such thing as perfect timing. There’s always going to be something going on in our lives: family death, unexpected traffic ticket, fight with your best friend, a hurricane, us knocking out the next second. Maybe that’s a little extreme – but you can’t calculate when you’re ready for the perfect person. And even if your life is altogether doesn’t mean you have to fit a relationship because it’s convenient to. But doesn’t mean you have to rule one out because you’ve got other things going on.
- It’s okay to keep some things private. But it’s good to have healthy conversations about healthy relationships with people close to you. Yes sometimes I tend to overshare about my eczema on Snapchat, or ranting about something on Instagram and with my friends, But it’s probably better if you’re just starting to date someone to not only keep them off of social media; but also have both of you not necessarily following each other on your social media accounts until you get pretty serious. Because face it. People come and go when it comes to dates & sometimes you go out to a concert the night before your date, and you’re not quite ready for them to see the drunk you yet….wait what
- Don’t over glorify anyone. Don’t underrate anyone either. Who you end up with is going to be your partner. And that goes for dating a celebrity to dating someone who works for a celebrity (or they’re a friend) to dating someone who’s in a position or field you highly admire or are intimated by. People are people. If he’s got the part, a man is a man. And everyone and anyone is still capable of anything including being a shitty or a good person.
- Have your standards. But also be open minded. “Has a fancy sports car” should not be at the top of the list. But “treats his family nice”, and “is communicative” could be. And if they are, don’t validate someone who doesn’t meet up to your standards. If someone doesn’t crack a joke/appreciate your sense of humor, or can’t tell you he’s going to busy and can’t talk to you until X time, then….let that man go.
- The rule is: there are no rules. I am so tired of people shaming other people with their physical intimacy choices. If someone choose to wait for marriage, or if someone chooses on the 5th month, or the first date. You should not beat up yourself on your decision. If you are a consenting adult, and you enjoyed it – let it be that. Let yourself enjoy whatever it is you experienced. You will drive yourself crazy if you don’t breathe and go with the flow. (PS John & Chrissy hooked up when they first met each other)
- Communicate freely. Be yourself. Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing, or if your clothing style isn’t right. If you catch yourself changing little things about yourself in hopes the other person will like you more: stahp. Have confidence. And seriously the rule to double texting? Yes there’s a certain point where you don’t want to be overbearing. But don’t overthink it. Do you honey boo boo. (To a certain point)
- Your time will come. Be happy in this moment. Trust me. If there’s anything all the tarot card, palm reading, online quizzes have been telling me is that my time will come. I feel like being single and being happy at the same time should be the requirement everyone experiences before they find their forever person. Not to say I’ll find my forever person soon, but for the first time I am both single and happy. I am content. And the law of attraction shows that the positive energies and vibes you put out into the world…will return to you. 🙂
- Appreciate everything and anything. Until then appreciate these little moments! Appreciate the hike leading up to the view. Appreciate the time you have now to wear a baggy tshirt and underwear and binge watch Black Mirror; appreciate the spontaneous weekend or week long trips that you’re able to have with your girlfriends and fam! appreciate the different types of people you’re meeting, and know that with each person that isn’t for you – you’re also learning more and more about yourself. 🙂
Wow this post was hard to consolidate all the emotions I’m feeling into one post. But I DID IT!!! 😀
Also Blogging is way more convenient and easy than Youtubing I’m just sayin.
Anyway I LOVE YOU in case you haven’t heard it from anyone else today.
I wish you the best. Happy Ash Wednesday. Happy Valentine’s Day! Happy Wednesday,
LOVE LOVE LOVE BIG LOVE,