The 10 Mistakes We Make In Dating/Relationships

Last Wednesday – on Valentine’s Day I wrote a post from my heart on 14 lessons I personally have learned from my time being single and past relationships.
Being single and dating is definitely not always the most enjoyable but it can be, especially when we are conscious of the mistakes we make and avoid being guilty of them.

sex and the city parties GIF

I’e had a lot of emotional and positive reactions towards my post this whole week that I wanted to address another topic that hits home with me:

The Mistakes We Make In Dating/Relationships.


  1. We aren’t present. I’m guilty of this. You’re guilty of this. Stop shaking your head no, and listen. Just because you’re guarded, and you make it “difficult” for potential SO’s to reach you doesn’t mean you’re incapable of having expectations build quickly and high versus focusing on the present situation. I especially will daydream and fantasize what it’s like to date someone, how our relationship will turn out. Which ultimately can only lead to disappointment when your head is constantly in the clouds. It’s important to be present with yourself, your partner and keep levelheaded. When you’ve just met… don’t worry if he’s talking to other girls, and don’t put such a heavy weight on “you two” working out. Relationships are a two way street. It takes both of you to be in it to win it. 
  2. We fail to put in effort. Growing up yes, we did have fairy tales where the man swoops in and saves the day. Now it’s 2018 and a lot of men just want to be taken care of and have forgotten what effort is. NO. BOTH men and women are accountable for putting their own effort in. The bar we hold men accountable to is so low. Relationships can’t be a selfish thing. Your effort of what you put into it, is what you’re going to get out of it. And if it isn’t then usually the one putting the effort in, quits. Try to look out for the other person and show in some way you care. Take the 5 Love Languages test to find out your love language, and have your SO take it too. The top result(s) is how they communicate their love. Image result for effort gif
  3. We fail to communicate. Or we miscommunicate. This one’s HUGE. We get so caught up in our world – sometimes because we’re used to being by ourselves, that we forget another person’s feelings and time is also involved. Relationships shouldn’t be a selfish thing. Both parties should be equally giving and receiving. You never truly know how someone’s going to respond, you never know how they’ll feel, and your friends can’t give you all the answers. You just need to do it. Communicate with that person. If plans get caught up and you need to reschedule and you feel bad? Apologize, explain and reschedule.  If you’re not interested or you feel that the other person has lost interest, bring it up. The longer you wait, the more weight you add to the other person. Image result for you hear me but are you listening gif
  4. We rush things. Sometimes it’s hard to hear, but we need to slow down. Yes with modern technology everything’s fast: nudes are exchanged within seconds, a new single can blow up on the EDM charts in minutes, and cars are now flying (thanks to Elon Musk)… but relationships don’t form instantly like Kraft Mac N Cheese or Cup of Noodles (both excellent emergency food options btw). Like a fine wine, they get better with age, and it takes time for it to ripen. Image result for a relationship is like wine gif
  5. We have crazy, unrealistic expectations. Men fantasize pornstars. Women fantasize about romantic comedies. And sometimes that can be flipped. Again, stop shaking your head “No I don’t do that” or “No I used to do that”. You do it. Own up to it. And hear me out by this I mean: We EXPECT how the other person should act, and get upset when they do things differently. We forget to take in account that people are people at the end of the day. No one is perfect. We sometimes forget to be more loving, forgiving, and understanding in a relationship. (But also know when they’ve reached your limit…) Sometimes these expectations fathom from our previous relationships where we look for what we then lacked. Image result for expectations gif
  6. We’re not ready for a relationship. This one’s hard because usually the ones that aren’t ready are in denial about it. If you’ve recently been hurt or haven’t gotten over the one that got away…your heart’s already occupied, and that’s not fair to its next tenant. And true, the immature will say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but most often – you’ll be left hurt even more. Pace yourself, have a relationship with yourself. Be positive and happy and never stray from who you are. Because in the right relationship you’ll be accepted and loved and cared for the person you truly are. Not the person you are on an app or on social media. The person that makes nuggets at 3am in an oversized shirt, ponytail, no makeup on for their friend who’s hungover and hungry. The person who cries when he/she’s talking about their fears. Image result for spongebob im ready gif
  7. We look in all the wrong places. It’s hard. Because where do we look when everyone and anyone’s busy and everyone and anyone who’s not – is not datable? They say to put yourself out there, but you also need to consider: the type of person you want to attract, where would they be? Would they really be out on a Monday night getting hammered with the “boys” at some ratchet club? Or will they be someone who works at an office near ours, a friend of a friend of a friend’s, at a concert/festival of the same music type we listen to? Are they really regulars at the bar with their same old friends trying to take home girls every week? Or are they hiking? Visiting historical spots? Are they at church praising the Lord? Image result for we found love in a hopeless place gif
  8. We believe we don’t deserve love. They say, we accept the love we deserve. Which is why the broken stay broken. When we don’t truly believe that we are lovable and that we deserve to find and have great love. When we believe that everything’s too good to be true. If you truly believe that – I’m so sorry. I feel for you I really do, because I’ve been there. Crying with my SO at the time because I knew I was pushing him away as our relationship was progressing, because I didn’t believe I deserved it. But that takes a toll on the relationship too. Because when your SO turns into the one that “fixes” or “heals” you – the dynamic is shifted… you’re no longer equals. They almost become your parent. I’m not saying we can’t have insecurities, but we can’t expect someone else to make us accept ourselves with their acceptance for usImage result for don't deserve love gif
  9. We give up before anything can even form. He didn’t call? Bye. He texted you one word? Bye. I get it. “Tell him Boy Bye” is yes, an anthem and I’m so excited to see Queen Bey slay it at Coachella…buuuuuuut why why why do we give ourselves such a headache. If someone disappoints you greatly, let it be, communicate. But don’t linger over every little thing. You have to be positive and show love for love to come. Patience my friends…it’s a virtue. Image result for i give up you didnt even try gif
  10. We over obsess over think over analyze over feel until we’re over it. We really do. And by we I mean me. Haha, I doubt guys really over analyze but sometimes they can be OVER bearing, and controlling until they end up hurting they’re SO really badly. It’s important to find a median. Transitioning from single to dating to a relationship should be smooth… in the sense that you don’t lose the essence of who you are as a human being, but also can incorporate the other person into your life. When we over think with every free second we have – what really do you have to offer to someone despite that you’re available and coming off strong? It’s important we build onto who we are ourselves. Yes you can be someone’s “person” but don’t forget you’re your own person first. Image result for mariah carey obsessed gif

And with that, that’s what I have to share!!! Let me know what you think and what you would add! Til next time my loves,

Xxxxx,

Mish

14 Lessons Love Has Taught Me

H a p p y / S a d ? G a o • l e n t i n e s

Happy Valentine’s Day. And Ash Wednesday.

My favorite number is 14 yet I’ve always been conflicted with Valentine’s Day in itself. I used to hate it, believed it was truly created by Hallmark, and was sobbing last year when someone betrayed me and my trust on this very day a year ago. Let me tell you scrolling through the feeds of Facebook and Instagram posts and tweets last year took a toll on me.

I was upset. Angry. Mad. Frustrated.

But this year? Super hopeful. I’m happy! And that’s huge. I’d rather be happier and single than miserable with the wrong person.

This has been the longest time that I’ve been single. It’s been a conscious decision for most of the time haha. During this time I’ve met and *ahem* spent time with the highest number of different guys for me. And wow, dating is exhausting. Not the most fun, but definitely has taught me a lot of lessons.

So in honor of the 14th of February, here’s 14 lessons love has taught me:

  1.  It’s okay to walk away. One of the things I struggle with is coping with realizing what I do want and don’t want. And being okay with myself to walk away from someone who simply isn’t compatible with me. I don’t want to later hold the regret but it’s okay to leave what’s not right for you. Because the more time you’re with the wrong person or doing the wrong thing – is distracting you from finding the person you’re meant to be with. Image result for walk away from a date meme
  2. You wear your heart on your sleeve. This one was more of a personal lesson. I am not necessarily an emotional person, but I feel and am always in tune with my emotions. I empathize really well. And one thing I learned is that I do wear my heart on my sleeve. Realizing that has helped me be more in tune with how quickly I let myself fall for the men I date. It’s okay to have a big heart. But not everyone else will wear their heart on their sleeves. Some will protect them more. Hide them. But that’s how they are, and this is how I am.   Image result for ginnifer goodwin just not that into you
  3. Good people can/will do bad things. And bad people can/will say and do good things. One of the biggest lessons. I get so caught up in my fantasies when I meet the boy who says all the smooth lines but is emotionally immature and unavailable that I work so hard to make that relationship work. Yet I’m quick to pass up men who are emotionally, financially, and in all other aspects – stable. If I’m too quick to judge them, how can I trust that they wouldn’t do the same to me? I have to be patient with love. And grow with love. No one is perfect from day 1, yes, so if someone appears perfect from day 1 …. Image result for prince hans if only
  4. You can’t get mad over what you can’t control. And not just mad, but disappointed, upset. God gave you your heart, your mind, your eyes. You are in control of only you and your reactions to things. People will disappoint you which brings me to… Image result for she loves control
  5. You can’t build up high expectations. Or expectations in general. This isn’t to be confused with having standards. I feel like this is why “online dating” doesn’t work for me… I’m all about that “spark”, “instant connection” that lures me in… and with Hinge, Bumble, etc, it usually ends in disappointment because I picture them 1 way, and they turn out….yeah Image result for catfish mtv
  6. For the right person you’re enough. And not just enough. But you’re not too much, too anything. You’re beautiful enough, you’re smart enough. They can see the beauty in your intelligence and your thoughts. They show appreciation for the things you share with them because they know how hard it is for you to share certain aspects about you. Related image
  7. Perfect timing is bullshit. This is something I need to constantly remind myself on. There is no such thing as perfect timing. There’s always going to be something going on in our lives: family death, unexpected traffic ticket, fight with your best friend, a hurricane, us knocking out the next second. Maybe that’s a little extreme – but you can’t calculate when you’re ready for the perfect person. And even if your life is altogether doesn’t mean you have to fit a relationship because it’s convenient to. But doesn’t mean you have to rule one out because you’ve got other things going on.Image result for meghan markle prince harry
  8. It’s okay to keep some things private. But it’s good to have healthy conversations about healthy relationships with people close to you. Yes sometimes I tend to overshare about my eczema on Snapchat, or ranting about something on Instagram and with my friends, But it’s probably better if you’re just starting to date someone to not only keep them off of social media; but also have both of you not necessarily following each other on your social media accounts until you get pretty serious. Because face it. People come and go when it comes to dates & sometimes you go out to a concert the night before your date, and you’re not quite ready for them to see the drunk you yet….wait what Image result for pretty little liars sh
  9. Don’t over glorify anyone. Don’t underrate anyone either. Who you end up with is going to be your partner. And that goes for dating a celebrity to dating someone who works for a celebrity (or they’re a friend) to dating someone who’s in a position or field you highly admire or are intimated by. People are people. If he’s got the part, a man is a man. And everyone and anyone is still capable of anything including being a shitty or a good person. Related image
  10. Have your standards. But also be open minded. “Has a fancy sports car” should not be at the top of the list. But “treats his family nice”, and “is communicative” could be. And if they are, don’t validate someone who doesn’t meet up to your standards. If someone doesn’t crack a joke/appreciate your sense of humor, or can’t tell you he’s going to busy and can’t talk to you until X time, then….let that man go. Image result for let that mango
  11. The rule is: there are no rules. I am so tired of people shaming other people with their physical intimacy choices. If someone choose to wait for marriage, or if someone chooses on the 5th month, or the first date. You should not beat up yourself on your decision. If you are a consenting adult, and you enjoyed it – let it be that. Let yourself enjoy whatever it is you experienced. You will drive yourself crazy if you don’t breathe and go with the flow. (PS John & Chrissy hooked up when they first met each other)Image result for chrissy teigen and john legend
  12. Communicate freely. Be yourself. Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing, or if your clothing style isn’t right. If you catch yourself changing little things about yourself in hopes the other person will like you more: stahp. Have confidence. And seriously the rule to double texting? Yes there’s a certain point where you don’t want to be overbearing. But don’t overthink it. Do you honey boo boo. (To a certain point)Image result for triple texting
  13. Your time will come. Be happy in this moment. Trust me. If there’s anything all the tarot card, palm reading, online quizzes have been telling me is that my time will come. I feel like being single and being happy at the same time should be the requirement everyone experiences before they find their forever person. Not to say I’ll find my forever person soon, but for the first time I am both single and happy. I am content. And the law of attraction shows that the positive energies and vibes you put out into the world…will return to you. 🙂 Image result for points to watch gif
  14. Appreciate everything and anything. Until then appreciate these little moments! Appreciate the hike leading up to the view. Appreciate the time you have now to wear a baggy tshirt and underwear and binge watch Black Mirror; appreciate the spontaneous weekend or week long trips that you’re able to have with your girlfriends and fam! appreciate the different types of people you’re meeting, and know that with each person that isn’t for you – you’re also learning more and more about yourself. 🙂 Image result for dj khaled appreciate gif

Wow this post was hard to consolidate all the emotions I’m feeling into one post. But I DID IT!!! 😀

Listen to the music I listed to ALL DAY TODAY HERE

Also Blogging is way more convenient and easy than Youtubing I’m just sayin.

Anyway I LOVE YOU in case you haven’t heard it from anyone else today.

I wish you the best. Happy Ash Wednesday. Happy Valentine’s Day! Happy Wednesday,

 

LOVE LOVE LOVE BIG LOVE,

Mishy

 

 

Sorry.

How fitting that Halsey’s latest music video for one of the songs that has made me the most emotional due to how scary accurate it represents my life. She took every single emotion, word I every wanted to say, thought I ever had and sang it into my soul.

“I’ve missed your calls for months it seems
Don’t realize how mean I can be
‘Cause I can sometimes treat the people
That I love like jewelry
‘Cause I can change my mind each day
I didn’t mean to try you on
But I still know your birthday
And your mother’s favorite song
So I’m sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry that I can’t believe that anybody ever really
Starts to fall in love with me
Sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry I could be so blind
Didn’t mean to leave you
And all of the things that we had behind
Oh. Oh. Oh.
I run away when things are good
And never really understood
The way you laid your eyes on me
In ways that no one ever could
And so it seems I broke your heart
My ignorance has struck again
I failed to see it from the start
And tore you open ’til the end”

When it comes to dating (which I know I suck at but hope to improve) … I tear myself apart and stow away every piece of me with walls towering over each piece away guarding it. The thing is … sometimes I don’t even know my own password to let those guards down. They don’t listen to me.

And so it takes someone brave with patience to use their hands and manually painfully pull each guard down.

Sometimes I get emotional and I get lost in my own words. And people will call me crazy, unstable.

Or maybe I’m longing for a real connection but scared to have one.

Because the ones who pass thru the thorns to help mend my calloused heart – they’re the ones that are covered in scars, wounds, tears from the aftermath. And it overwhelms me.

And so I hide away. My heart most of all in a deep special place. Praying one day the callouses will be removed and that the guards will be let down.

With time.

With love,

Mishy